That's when I feel like the year truly began. Maybe that's because the time before he was born is a weird blur now and I can't remember much of it unless I read back at old blog posts.
I wish I could go back to those days when he was just a few days old and we were on a crash course on how to breastfeed, how to bathe a newborn and even how to dress a baby. (It wasn't as easy as all the other moms make it look!) Those were such sweet times, even as hard as those days were, I want it back so badly! I'll even go through all those painful nights when I was ordered to stay in bed if it meant that I could put those little pajama's—the ones with the mittens sewn in—back on my little boy.
I've always been obsessed with Holidays, every single one, and we got to kick off the year of First Holidays with St. Patricks Day! I remember we were leaving his first doctor's appointment, my mom was with us, and I practically cried in the car because we didn't have a onesie with 'My First St. Patricks Day' on it. My mom quickly went into the nearest Carter's and bought him the cutest pj's with a big shamrock right on the bottom. I probably cried again, I can't remember. It was darn cute though!
What made it really click that the year is soon to be over was yesterday when Matt and I were in Buy Buy Baby. We passed by a rack full of St. Patricks Day clothes. I'm proud of myself for not crying right there in the store! It really is sad to know that he's almost all done with his First Holidays. He still has New Years and Valentines Day and i'm already getting his V-Day outfit ready!
With all the fun memories we had, also came the un-fun memories. I'm shocked I don't have a full head of grey hairs by now. I never expected we would be taking our 7 week old baby to the ER and be told he needs to have surgery right then and there. I never expected we would be told the most heart crushing news about a syndrome that is not correctable. I've cried more tears this year than I thought were possible. I've had more sleepless nights than I ever thought I could have (and not due to a non-sleepy baby).
Even through all those awful days, that I hope I can soon forget, I can still say without any hesitation that our God is a loving God who doesn't want to see His children hurting. He puts us through these challenges to help us grow into more developed characters. Yes, I hate that Caleb had to be the one God chose to go through all of this just to show me how to grow spiritually, how to love more than I knew my heart could love, but for that reason, I know God has the biggest plans waiting for Caleb to experience. And I can't wait to see it all happen with my own eyes!
Here's to 2013 being a year full of seeing those plans unfold. I've got my little journal and pen ready.
Holly, that was just beautiful, and this Momma is crying. I can't tell you how proud we are of you and your faithfulness to our Lord. You and Matt are such wonderful, loving parents to Caleb. He's just as lucky to have you, as you are to have him. Love you!
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